Harry Potter and the Piratical Adventures
by dancesthroughlife
Summary: Harry, Ron, Hermione, and Snape fly through time. Where will they end up? Who will they meet? And what chaos will errupt? all OOC
1. Chapter 1

**A/N** **Hello all!! So this is my first fanfic. *trumpet fanfare* It's pure sillines, so enjoy! And giggle. That'd be amazing. **

**Disclaimer: I do not own Pirates or Harry Potter. However, I did call Jerry Bruckheimer and after a short little chat asked if I could own Jack. He said no.**

The curious boy with the strange shaped scar on his forehead sat in his professor's office with his two best friends. Yet again, they were being reprimanded for a crime they believed they had not committed. As the professor was ranting about something, the boy was staring at the poster above the older man's desk. It was of the ever popular boy band The Jonas Brothers. And it was life size. This truly terrified Harry Potter, maybe even more so than He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named.

"And if I _ever_ catch you trying to take sexy back from the Jonas Brothers again, I will be sure to have you all expelled!" Snape exclaimed.

It was at this point Hermione and Harry saw the magic marker mustache appear on Joe Jonas's face. They both turned to look at Ron who was snickering and didn't notice their glares. That was when Harry saw Hermione was flicking her wand about. She began muttering under her breath so the professor would not hear. She was performing a spell to get her and her friends out of the office, and hopefully far, far away.

"STOP YOUR GIGGLING, MR. WEASLEY!!" bellowed the professor, "OR BE SURE OF IT THAT YOU WILL NEVER…"

_***POOF***_

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The governor of Port Royal's only daughter just had a bottle of rum shoved into her hands by the most notorious and vile pirate in the Caribbean, Cap'n Jack Sparrow. She had once believed that it would be the most thrilling experience in her life to meet a pirate. Well, now she had, and even though she couldn't deny that he had his own way of being gorgeous, she was very unsettled with the occurrences occurring. She had just been marooned on a God-forsaken spit of land in the middle of the Caribbean with no hope of escape. So what else is there to do when you are on an island with a man you hardly know and an unlimited supply of rum? Drink said rum, of course! The young girl named Elizabeth lifted her bottle up as if to toast and mumbled "Drink up me hearties, yo ho."

With a curious look on his face Jack turned to question her, "What was that Elizabeth?"

At that precise moment the sky turned a unique shade of purple, lime green, brown, and turquoise and Jack cooed "OOOOH!! Pritty!!"

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"…SEE THE LIGHT OF DAY…" Professor Snape tried to finish his threat but was immediately distracted.

"What the bloody hell did I do wrong this time?" a panicked Ron fretted.

"Nothing, you bumbling idiot! I did this!" Hermione hissed, "I couldn't stand Snape's blabber anymore. I just didn't mean for him to come along with us. I don't know what I did wrong, maybe I should of…"

"MISS GRANGER!!!! What is the meaning of this?"

"Uhh…well…erm…extra credit project?"

"Extra credit? What professor would ask you to zap another, and may I say _valued_, professor to some island in the middle of nowhere?"

"Umm…"

"And as for the other problem we have been so blessed to be presented with, what do you expect us to do, Miss Know-It-All-Oh-So-Perfect, huh?"

"Maybe since we are stuck here we should explore," suggested Harry interrupting Snape's tirade. "Where did you send us anyway, Hermione?"

"Why does it matter where I sent us? Shouldn't the only thing that we should worry about right now is how to get home?"

Harry grinned, "You don't know where we are, do you?"

"Well, no, not exactly…but…"

Ron interrupted, "Whatever, let's just, like, explore the island."

"You children will be in immense trouble once we get back to Hogwarts," scolded Snape.

"More like if…" Hermione worried as they began to trudge through the weeds.

"We're devils and black sheep and REALLY BAD EGGS!!!" sang Jack and Elizabeth at the top of their lungs as they skipped and danced drunkenly around a bonfire.

"I love this song! Really bad eggs!" exclaimed Jack as he fell over pulling Elizabeth down with him. That's when they heard the rustling of footsteps and voices behind them.

"A bonfire! They were just there singing and dancing!" Ron declared. Next thing Harry and Hermione knew Ron was bulleting towards the bonfire. And then, well they couldn't believe what came next. Ron began doing the Running Man right beside the bonfire as he started to sing.

"Looking for some hot stuff baby this evening! I need hot stuff baby tonight! I want some hot stuff baby this eeeeeeeevvvvveniiiiiing!!"

"What the hell?!?!" exclaimed all the spectators looking on slightly terrified.

Ron began stammering, "Well….you….I…singing….fire….dance…" Hermione sighed.

"Ron, you are so dense, you can't just barge in. We have no idea who these people are!" scolded Hermione.

"Give him a break, Hermione," Harry came to Ron's defense, "So, what if he doesn't know anything. That's what makes him entertaining."

Ron looked over sadly, "I'm not a monkey with cymbals, Harry."

Jack interrupted here, "Obviously, the freak is named Ron, but who the bloody hell are you?!"

"Excuse me dear sir!" Snape declared, "Do not use that kind of language around these children! If you _must_ know, I am Severus Snape, Professor of Potions at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry. This here is 'the-boy-who-lived', his real name is Harry Potter. Don't stare at his scar. He doesn't like it and will set your hair ablaze if you do," at this Snape subconsciously reached up to stroke his own hair as a memory flashed through his mind. "And this is Hermione Granger. Don't make her mad either. She knows more spells than Potter."

"If you say so. M' not a believer in that witchcraft and voodoo and such. How 'bout you, luv?" Jack inquired of Elizabeth.

Elizabeth looked around confused, "Huh? Oh, sorry!" She was suddenly terrified that she had been caught staring. Not at Jack, but at this man who called himself Professor Snape. He must be quiet brilliant to be considered a professor. And boy was he ever sexy! That lovely pasty skin and oily black hair! Who needed a buff, sweet, understanding blacksmith?!

Her fears were confirmed for, Snape _had_,in fact,caught the young girl staring. He immediately needed to know who she was. "And may I inquire you as to what your names are?" Snape asked, looking directly at the young girl.

"M' Cap'n Jack Sparrow, savvy?"

"And I am Elizabeth Swan, daughter of the governor of Port Royal."

"Captain? I don't see your ship."

"Well, professor, that is because I WAS BLOODY MAROONED!!!!"

"You don't have to be so rude."

"Ye don't have t' be so dimwitted."

"OOOHH!!! Is that butterbeer? I have been _dying _for some!" Hermione interrupted her professor and this Jack Sparrow person's childish argument.

Elizabeth snorted, "No, it's rum. It's a vile drink that turns even the most respectable men into scoundrels."

"Can we have some?" Harry politely asked before snatching it out of Elizabeth hands, taking a swig, and passing the bottle to his friends. After this, they all joined in to play a rousing game of "pass-the-bottle" in which they managed to drink half the supply of rum on the island. By the middle of the night they were all drunk. Matter of fact, what followed suit was slightly disturbing.

Hermione was swinging through the trees believing she was Jane and she was searching for Tarzan. She thought she found her Tarzan too, in the form of Jack, whom she tried to flirt with. Too bad Jack was to busy trying to flirt with Elizabeth, who in turn was to busy trying to flirt with the Professor.

Now, Snape, well he didn't notice Elizabeth, he was busy skipping around the island with a coconut bra on screaming, yes _screaming_, "I'm so pretty! Oh, so pretty! I'm so pretty, and witty, and gay!! Because I'm too sexy for my shirt, too sexy for this island, too sexy for my robe, too sexy for these coconuts!!!!" He ended this with ripping said coconuts off, tossing them as far as he could, and passing out in the sand.

In the meantime Ron was entertaining himself. He was sitting dejectedly by the bonfire singing "It's raining men! Hallelujah! It's raining men! Amen!" Then Ron turned inquisitively toward Harry who was busy dueling a lighthouse that had randomly appeared in the middle of the island. Harry was completely and utterly convinced that the lighthouse was the work of ol' Voldy and that Voldy was hiding in it. The duel was not going so great because Harry had horrid aim, thanks to the rum, and was completely missing the lighthouse and was setting many of the surrounding trees on fire.

All of this chaos continued until early morning, just before sunrise when everybody passed out, and settled into a deep slumber scattered about the island.

**End A/N**: **Yay! The finish of my first chapter of my first fanfic! I will add the second chapter, once I get it written which could take a while. ;) Criticism is very welcome but compliments would be amazing. Now click that pretty review button!**


	2. Important AN

Important A/N!

I apologize for not updating this story. Right now I am writing my other story, Dirty Pirate Babies. I honestly don't know if or when I'll update this story. So right now, I'll put Harry Potter and the Piratical Adventures on hiatus for now. I'll keep you posted on my decision. Once again, I'm really really really really sorry! But you can go read my other story. It is rather amusing if I do say so myself.

Sorry! :(((((


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